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The Telephone BillJune, 2007 We use a calling card for long distance. It's just the best deal for our needs. This means that our actual phone bill stays pretty level, so when it arrived in the mail today a handful of dollars high, I looked more closely. On the long distance portion of the bill, which usually says, "$0.00", there was a Shortfall Charge. $2.00. Apparently, now, if we use less than $2 worth of long distance, they charge us $2 anyway. We have a second phone line for the computer. This line ALSO had a $2 Shortfall Charge on it. After thinking back to a recent Reader's Digest article on junk charges and how not to pay them, I dialed up the phone company, long distance division. "Hello? Yes, I have a question about my bill." "May I have your telephone number, area code first please?" I give her the number and wait a few seconds while she finds me in the computer. I verify my name and address for her, then explain the situation. "Well, let's take a look at that." "All right." Silence while she pushes computer keys. "Can I have permission to look at your account?" Now, I don't know what it is, but there's just something about that question that rankles me. Could it possibly be the fact that they've just been looking at my account on-screen to verify who I am? "Yes of COURSE it's okay! How ELSE are you going to help me? Haven't you already been looking at my account anyway, including my social security number, birthdate, and marital status? How is the latest phone bill possibly going to be any more personal? Urgh." Of course I didn't really say it aloud. I just wanted to. Well, after the explanations and my request that the charges be removed, I was informed that the CSR--that's Customer Service Representative--had not been authorized to remove those charges or grant any credits for them. I was further informed that they'd been on my bill for three months. "Really? Wow. Okay." So I got out my folder marked, "Telephone" (yes, I have one!) and looked through this year's bills. "Yep, there's May. But April...I don't see it. Where's the charge on the April bill?" Silence. Long silence. "Hello?" "Yes?" "I was just wondering if you were there, because I asked a question and you didn't answer." "Oh, I didn't know you asked a question." O-kay... We finally figured out April, but ultimately I decided that since we don't use the phone company's long distance program, we'd just cancel that portion and then we wouldn't receive anymore Shortfall Charges. "Okay, ma'am. I can do that for you. To remove the long distance service from both phone lines will be $22." Now the silence is on my end. Stunned silence. "You mean I have to pay $22 to get rid of something that's costing me $4 every month not to use?" "Yes, ma'am." So far this phone conversation has not gone well. But I am not giving up. I have learned, from times past dealing with idiotic corporate policy, that if you continue to be a pain in their ear for long enough, they eventually will see the error of their ways. "So why was long distance put on my computer line anyway? I told them it was for a computer." "Ma'am, that line was set up two years ago and you received a summary statement in the mail of what services you received." Did that answer my question? I don't think so. And like anybody reads all that stuff. She also told me that the Shortfall Charge had been explained in prior billings. Do YOU read all the fine print on all your bills? (If you do, don't tell me because I don't want to hear it.) When she told me about the Shortfall Charge notification, I looked for it. I couldn't find it. She didn't care. Finally, after several more episodes where I asked a question and she failed to reply because she, "...didn't realize you'd asked a question," I finally asked to speak to a supervisor, because, "...we aren't communicating very well." So she left. And she stayed gone a very long time. I knew that she was alerting her boss to the nature of the creature on the other end of her telephone line. She came back once and said, "It'll be just a few more minutes." After a few more minutes, she came back on the line again. And she told me that, while they cannot give credit for those specific charges, they can give me a $10-per-month-for-six-months Good Customer Good Faith because-you-are-driving-us-crazy Credit. "Oh," I said, surprised. You see, I had been doodling numbers while waiting, and I knew that my total expenses were only about half that for this little fiasco. "Well," I hesitated. "Okay, but that's really more than I need to be reimbursed for. I'm not trying to get something for nothing. I just don't want to pay for service I'm not using." The Famous Silence. I think she's not understanding me. Sigh. "That'll be fine," I say. When all is said and done, I've given thirty-eight minutes of my time, and the telephone company has given me about $30. I guess that's not bad--just for holding a phone to my ear--now is it? |
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Chantal L. DeYoe
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